I remeber that split second childish decision we made. I remember the first awkward phone call during the Euro Cup. I remember the subsequent phone calls. I remember forming our bond and slowly but unknowingly pushing everyone away. I remember the things we used to talk about. I remember laughing a lot and having fun. I remember pouring my life out to you and you to me. I remember how you were always there for me. I remember how you always stood up for me. I remember giving you advice, asking you to "chill". I remember telling you about God. I remember you changing right before my eyes and I remember being happy.
Then, I remember when I found out. And the pain of realisation. I remember confronting you and I remember your reluctance. I remember how lonely I felt. I remember feeling neglected. I remember the fights. The tears. I remember the littlest things I got angry for. I remember your irritation with me. And then I remember when it was all over and things were great again.
I remember telling you about "The Issue". I remember you being a pillar of support for me. I remember you consoling me telling me things would be all right.
And then during the lowest point of my life, I remember that you were not there. During the time that I needed you the most, you were nowhere to be found. Then I remember you telling me. And I remember that feeling, for the second time now. The feeling where everybody else knows but you don't and you're supposed to be the one who knows first. I remember being furious at your lame excuses.
And then, the neglect and loneliness again. I remember when you hurt me the most. When you judged me. I remember you opposing me. I remember you telling me that I disgusted you. Then I remember feeling like I was in the pit of a deep hole with no way out. And then we were done.
I remember the days that followed when I thought I could not go on without you. Then I remembered finding out you didn't care at all. I remember developing hatred for you. Hate that until this day has not fully ebbed. I remember bad-mouthing you to no extent. I remember rolling my eyes everytime I caught sight of you. And then I realised that by doing those things I was making God sad. And I remember trying and trying to make myself lose that hate for you.
Today, I think I have succeeded to an extent.
Through everything though, I still miss you and I still wish we could go back and be what we were again.
I miss you, still,
my brother, my Best Friend.
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